Holly's blog

University makes me anxious and that is not alright.

The thought of how much debt I'm going to be in when I graduate makes me anxious.
The thought of am I even going to pass my modules next year makes me anxious
Am I going to even make it to graduation?
The social side of uni makes me anxious.

All of these things make me anxious but I am determined to not let my anxiety ruin this experience for me, this experience which I've worked so hard for. I have wanted to go university for years but now I am here and have just finished my first year, my anxiety is ruining it and I want to be able to enjoy my time here. I am determined to not let my anxiety ruin this for me. I will work hard this year, and even if I do not get the grades I need to pass, all that matters is that I've tried my best. I need to learn to take things one day at a time and to not get so caught up in the future that I forget about the present.

I'm worried about the future, but that is alright.

Since I started my A levels three years ago I've been having large periods of time where I'm just anxious about everything and worry about stuff that I don't need to worry about. I'm now in university and to be honest, the worrying has gotten worse.

I worry about home life, university work, grades, graduating, money, getting a job, getting a mortgage (I'm 19, that will not happen for years), getting a car and a bunch of other stuff that involve not knowing what the future will hold.

I am 19 and in my first year of university so I have no need to be worrying about half of that! I need to remember that it is alright to not know what will happen and that things can change at a moments notice. Worrying means suffering twice or for no reason at all. Whilst I'm not very good at not worrying, I'm trying to work on it. Just know that if you are worrying about things that you are not alone and I hope things get better for you! <3

I have been asking myself a lot recently "Is university right for me?" and "Am I doing the right thing?". Neither of which I know the answer to.

I passed my A Levels and although my grades weren't great, I managed to get high enough grades to get into my firm university and do my chosen course of single honours History. I love History and am so glad I've gotten in. However, in the long term I would love to have a career in journalism or the media industry or social media so it would probably make more sense for me to do a media degree. Saying this, I've been told that to get into journalism it is better to do a degree such as History, English or Politics rather than Journalism.

Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing or what I want and hope I'm not making a mistake. What do you think I should do???